You Are Not for Everybody — Terms

What ifs and what nows

Introduction

Also known as what ifs, what nows

• InPeople paralyzed by fear of rejection waste energy on the “what ifs” instead of exploring the “what nows.”
• Ch 17The aspiring writers who catch J.D.’s attention ask him a version of “What now?” after sharing their story. See Opening with your story.

The coffee shop conversation

Introduction

Also known as coffee shop, coffee companion

• InJ.D. Netto asks readers to imagine the two of them at a coffee shop by a fire. The book isn’t a textbook or a lecture; it’s an honest conversation.
• Ch 3He returns to the setting often, as with the tip screen the reader supposedly saw at the counter.
• Ch 19The book closes as the coffee shop takes last call, kept “short and sweet” so it stays memorable.

The spark

Who Are You?

• Ch 1The intangible feeling we long for on a first date, more than any outward trait. In the end, people seek out the spark over anything else.
• Ch 1It’s what every brand first date is really about: how you make people feel. See The business of feeling.

Narrative

Understanding Narrative

Also known as story

• Ch 3“Narrative is a structured story.” It introduces the players, takes the audience on an emotional quest and wraps things up with a bow.
• Ch 3Stories turn consumers into audience members; an audience does not exist without a narrative. You don’t need to be a writer, just aware of the now and one step ahead.
• Ch 3“Narrative is a brand’s heartbeat.” J.D. builds his with the Four-act structure. Without it, ads would just say things like “I am the best shampoo you will ever use.”
• Ch 3Predictability isn’t bad, but it must be done with intent. See A narrative makes promises.
• Ch 3“Book hangovers are a thing” because a good story makes you lose track of time. Even with tech, we want safe unpredictability but predictable satisfaction.

Marketing

Understanding Marketing

• Ch 4See Branding versus marketing. The combination of efforts that lead your audience to your product: campaigns, ads, commercials, media buying.
• Ch 4Like pilots in rough air, those in charge can adjust an underperforming ad almost immediately, but at that stage they can’t change the product.
• Ch 4“Marketing determines the perceived value of a product.” See Luxury brands.
• Ch 4J.D.’s essentials are the Three marketing steps: research, solving the problem and goals.

Branding

Branding

Also known as brand

• Ch 5“Branding is how you make others feel when you aren’t in the room.” Every emotion you convey will elevate or diminish it.
• Ch 5Think of it as a personality: a first impression, how you’re greeted in a store. It’s the giftwrap on Christmas morning, the feeling before you see what’s inside. It isn’t the logo.
• Ch 5“Branding is the conduit of emotion.” And everyone has a personal brand. A strong brand inspires purchases and everlasting loyalty.
• Ch 5At home J.D. feels it in a Dunkin’ order. Examples: the red-and-yellow arches signal convenience, a sleek black purse makes you feel powerful, and a book cover promises adventure. “We all judge books by their covers.”
• Ch 11The idea gets a chapter of its own in When you are not in the room.

Personal brand

Branding

• Ch 5“We all have a personal brand, whether we’re aware of it or not.”
• Ch 1Unlike a product brand, a personal brand can exist beyond anything you do or don’t release.
• Ch 7It soars or shrinks with every part that touches it, including the company you keep.

10,000-hour rule

The Characters in Your Story

Also known as 10,000 hours

• Ch 8The idea made popular by Malcolm Gladwell that you need 10,000 hours at something to be qualified. J.D. has been drawing, designing and writing as long as he can remember, and creating characters even longer.

The antagonist

The Characters in Your Story

Also known as antagonists, haters

• Ch 8You’ll need a place for your opposition. If you can anticipate their moves, “you will reap the benefits of your audience’s judgement.”
• Ch 8Taylor Swift is J.D.’s example of turning critics into fuel.
• Ch 11Always think about what the opposition will say when you’re not around and how it might send people your way.

Background characters

The Characters in Your Story

• Ch 8People who never reply to your texts but appear on your social media. They’re there for numbers and likes and won’t attend events or buy what you put out.
• Ch 8Keep them as followers and newsletter subscribers; they widen your network. Don’t take their actions to heart.

Worldbuilding

The Characters in Your Story

• Ch 8Characters need an ecosystem, and stories need an audience’s reaction. As a child J.D. locked himself in his room with Titanic and Jurassic Park soundtracks, inventing stories like superheroes lost on safari.
• Ch 8In business terms, your brand is the world. See Characters in your brand.

Hustle culture

The Gift of Silence

• Ch 10“Hustle culture has evolved from an isolated virus into a pandemic.” Don’t stop, don’t sleep, downtime is for the weak.
• Ch 10It leaves people with great ideas overwhelmed by the illusion of doing something rather than building a legacy. “It’s easy to confuse noise with progress.” Design’s negative space is J.D.’s answer.

Negative space

The Gift of Silence

• Ch 10In graphic design, the empty area around an element that lets a design breathe and brings clarity and order. We need the same, including quiet stretches of working in secret.

People-pleasing

No

Also known as people pleaser

• Ch 12J.D. was once a people pleaser; his talent earned attention and artists crave an audience. It peaked as The church musician.
• Ch 12We get caught in loops of failure because we can’t decline. Whatever the cause, he says, you’re old enough to stop blaming the world.

Emotional hook

The Emotional Hook

Also known as emotional hooks

• Ch 13The powerful emotional bond you create through your characters and narrative. Your hook is tied to your hurdles and achievements, because perfection is the enemy of connection.
• Ch 13Every character has three sides: who they are, who they think they are, and who others think they are.
• Ch 13“Narrative cannot be bought. It must be written through experience.” Even the struggles of the famous provoke a reaction, which shows how a hook leads to action.
• Ch 13Not everyone follows a brand on social media, but audiences will follow its founder, craving humble beginnings, ladders climbed and tough conversations.
• Ch 17When approaching a connection, “always start the conversation with an emotional hook.”
• Ch 13See the Emotional hooks exercise.

Bookstagram

Chameleons

• Ch 15The book community on Instagram. J.D.’s first book came out during its rise in the early 2010s, when authors like Veronica Roth, Cassandra Clare and Rick Riordan spread like wildfire.

Friendships

Friends, Connections, and Growth Partners

Also known as friends

• Ch 17People in your circle you spend time with purely for their company. Sometimes they become networking bridges, but that comes second.
• Ch 17Such friendships need boundaries: “Boundaries exist when you want to keep something or someone around. Otherwise, you simply walk away.” J.D. is “the friendship-first guy.”

Connections

Friends, Connections, and Growth Partners

Also known as connection

• Ch 17People you meet in business settings. You’re not seeking friendship; you’re after something they can give, like a referral, job or post.
• Ch 17Connections won’t always become friends. Your agent may never be your best friend, and that’s okay. It would be wrong not to aim for them.
• Ch 17Approach with Read the room and Opening with your story.

Growth partners

Friends, Connections, and Growth Partners

Also known as growth partner

• Ch 17Friends in the same or a similar industry: the ones you call when something major happens. “They are your cheerleaders, not your competitors.”
• Ch 17They’re the hardest to find; one is enough. With them J.D. celebrates releases “with tears and drinks and food,” and they become mentors.
• Ch 17See Ten years to an agent.

Abdication of intent

Stay Curious

Also known as drift instead of sail

• Ch 19Algorithms feed us suggestions instead of what we chose; we follow creators and never see their posts. “The danger of constant suggestion is the abdication of intent.”
• Ch 19Our brains are told to drift instead of sail. Every suggestion becomes an idea and every idea a task, leaving no room for curiosity. We should steer by wind and stars.