You Are Not for Everybody — Ideas

You are not for everybody

Introduction

Also known as not for everybody

• InThe book’s central truth: not everyone will like who you are or the message you carry, and that is a good thing. It lifts a heavy weight off your shoulders, and finding it starts with your sense of who you are.
• InJ.D. puts it plainly: “I’m not for everybody. But I am still for somebody.”
• FwMayte Carvalho adds that the courage to be authentic, even if some dislike you, is about self-knowledge as much as branding.
• Ch 12Saying no is how you live it out: “‘No’ asserts that you are not for everybody.” See The power of no.
• Ch 19It is also the book’s final line, offered as a send-off after Stay curious.

Rejection

Introduction

• InBefore any talk of business, J.D. introduces the reader to rejection. It’s part of the game, but it can be turned from a liability into an asset.
• InIt wasn’t a wish to prove people wrong that pushed him to publish, but rejection itself, which pointed him to “the hidden path of opportunity.” See The agent rejection letters.
• InMany people never bring projects to life because they fear it, stuck on the “what ifs.”
• InWith likes come dislikes. Much is said about building a loyal audience, little about “the ocean of disagreement that follows.”

Brand foundation

Who Are You?

Also known as purpose, pillars

• Ch 1You can’t build a brand without exploring who you are. A brand stands on pillars inspired by its maker’s mind and is rooted in purpose.
• Ch 1Like a person, a brand evolves: the “you” of ten years ago is vastly different from today’s.
• Ch 1Someone secure in their identity has already laid a strong foundation. Start with the Passions and skills exercise. Every visual, from logo colors to website, should carry the emotions you want the audience to feel.
• Ch 18Audiences follow mission and heart; without that root, “you will be building castles in the sand.”
• Ch 1Some reality TV stars hold attention without notable talent, simply by being who they are and embracing the good, the bad and the ugly.

Branding as a first date

Who Are You?

Also known as first date

• Ch 1Meeting a brand for the first time is like a first date from an app: you arrive guarded, wondering if they match their photos and if the spark will last.
• Ch 1Your potential audience is always going on first dates with your brand, so it must be as good in person as on paper. Every detail matters, down to tone of voice and mannerisms.
• Ch 1Titanic is J.D.’s example of one unforgettable first date.

The business of feeling

Who Are You?

Also known as we are all in the business of feeling

• Ch 1“We’re all in the business of feeling.” It’s the human heart that creates connection, not a product or entity. It’s why talent alone isn’t enough and why An audience that stays stays.
• Ch 1Coffee shops sell a creative environment, Disney sells dreams and the chance to be a child again, and luxury brands sell status.
• Ch 1That’s why companies invest in expos, premieres and red carpets: immersive first impressions.
• Ch 17Before approaching a connection, think about what you can contribute to their journey, because “we are in the business of feeling.”

Talent isn’t enough

An Audience that Stays

Also known as talent is a bridge

• Ch 2“No, talent isn’t enough to build an audience.” Many people are overshadowed by their talent, thinking it qualifies them for relevance.
• Ch 2“Talent is a bridge people can walk on or walk off.” You might follow a singer for their voice but become a fan when they cover a song someone you loved used to sing.
• Ch 2Curiosity becomes loyalty when talented people make you feel. Artists are “the essential workers of our hearts,” and entrepreneurs are artists too.
• Ch 9Talent takes you far, but understanding how people feel keeps you at the top. See also Character over talent.

An audience that stays

An Audience that Stays

Also known as best friend audience

• Ch 2Relevance is like a best friendship: you may not talk every day, but when you do, no time seems to have passed. An audience you’ve poured your heart into will rediscover the new you.
• Ch 2Audiences follow because they feel, as J.D. did with Evanescence and Saint Seiya. Talent leads people to a community where they belong.
• Ch 10This is why controlled absence works. See The gift of silence.

A narrative makes promises

Understanding Narrative

Also known as promises

• Ch 3Every narrative makes promises, and it’s the human experiences, not the dragons or elves, that keep us engrossed.
• Ch 3When a promise breaks, as with a garment that arrives cheap and badly cut with a “credit only” return policy, you still felt something and took action.
• Ch 3In the brand version of the four acts, failing the promise is where “a heroic audience turns villainous.”
• Ch 3Sad puppy adoption commercials work the same way: music, big eyes and a voiceover make you forget production value and simply feel.

Religion as narrative

Understanding Narrative

Also known as religion

• Ch 3Religion grows through stories and testimonies crafted to stir behavior: do this for a reward, don’t do that and avoid damnation.
• Ch 13Like the Greek gods, it thrives in the morally gray; it thrives in the morally gray, and J.D. calls it “probably the most well-executed marketing campaign in history.”

Branding versus marketing

Understanding Marketing

Also known as trip and plane

• Ch 4If branding is the feeling of planning a romantic trip to Brazil, marketing is the plane ride that gets you there, and turbulence is part of the package.
• Ch 4Creative entrepreneurs often think they’re the same, but they’re “two different beasts living in the same environment.”
• Ch 4“Branding is emotion and marketing is practicality.” See Branding and Marketing. The essence of the product doesn’t change, while marketing can shift in an instant.

The logo is not the brand

Branding

• Ch 5Many of J.D.’s clients first had to unlearn the idea that their logo was the crowning jewel of their brand, sometimes one assembled from an online asset library.
• Ch 5Real brand work means hours of strategy, focus groups and color studies so a visual connects with its target audience.

Branding via association

Branding via Association

Also known as association, brand association

• Ch 6When a celebrity is seen with a purse, shoes or car, everyone wants it. David Grutman did it with people. Brands leverage the feelings evoked by personalities to raise value and reach new audiences fast.
• Ch 6Audiences reason: if John is publicly associating with Mary, he must like her, so let’s look her up. “Association heightens feelings.”
• Ch 6It’s like marriage: you share assets, in this case brand equity and audience expansion. Values and messages are joined before the public.
• Ch 6“Association ensures we give people a task they love to do. Talk.” Values matter, and check the Three questions before posting. But it carries risk, as the Balenciaga 2022 campaign showed.
• Ch 6Examples J.D. names include the Chanel Bleu campaign, Kim Kardashian for Balenciaga, Nike and Michael Jordan, Gucci x Disney and Havaianas x Dolce & Gabbana.

Values in association

Branding via Association

Also known as you are a cover, backsliding

• Ch 6“Values matter in association. People judge. You are essentially a cover,” and people judge who you associate with.
• Ch 6J.D.’s evangelical upbringing warned against being seen with “worldly people” lest others think you were backsliding: association sends signals.
• Ch 6His hypothetical: a religious speaker who posts a photo at a sex shop. People’s first thought would be scandal, not a happy marriage. See Digital immortality.

Digital immortality

Branding via Association

• Ch 6“We have reached immortality in the digital age.” What we share today lasts for years, so creative entrepreneurs shouldn’t treat their channels like a private diary.

Intentionality

Branding via Association

Also known as intentional

• Ch 6“Intentionality is your best friend in the game of association.” Calculate your footsteps and be mindful of them.
• Ch 10Posting on impulse to keep up with others is where “vanity becomes the enemy of intentionality.”
• Ch 11You can’t control what people say, but you can be intentional about the experience they have with your brand.
• Ch 19Constant algorithmic suggestion leads to the abdication of intent.

The circle

The Circle

Also known as your circle, doers and wishers, wishers

• Ch 7Like the wheel (and those Ducks who think they’re chickens), the circle stands for the people and environment around us, which can propel us, stall us or send us backward.
• Ch 7We’re not only the people closest to us but the books, news and series we consume. We’re responsible for the sources we let in.
• Ch 7Brilliant projects fail because people pick the wrong members and lack the guts to remove them. J.D. isn’t asking you to be an ass, just to stand up for yourself.
• Ch 7When you become a doer, you attract wishers, people who long to be as bold. A thriving circle is observed and envied; some add to the journey, others come for the taking.
• Ch 7“A circle is inspiration and protection, but also a teacher.”
• Ch 17Friendships belong to your circle.

Concealing your intentions

The Circle

Also known as let them run wild

• Ch 7When people who come for the taking slip into his circle, J.D. doesn’t punish himself. Once in control, he lets them run wild and studies their patterns, never letting his guard down.
• Ch 7He cites the law of concealing your intentions from Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power: keep takers guessing until they leave.

Wanting something from someone

The Circle

• Ch 7“We all want something in the end.” We like Mary because she’s fun; J.D. would like to get closer to Steven Spielberg; you want the job for its opportunities.
• Ch 17“There’s nothing wrong with wanting something from someone.” What’s dangerous is going in without direction, like sailing without a compass.
• Ch 17Your money is in the pockets of who you know, so meaningful relationships matter.

Characters in your brand

The Characters in Your Story

Also known as players, main character, supporting characters

• Ch 8“What worldbuilding is to novels, branding and narrative is to entrepreneurship.” Your business is the world you’re building; see Worldbuilding.
• Ch 8You need a main character who carries the torch and embodies everything you stand for and against, plus supporting characters, since not everyone can be in the spotlight.
• Ch 8Research the people in your ecosystem, those who praise, disagree and question, and build worlds for all of them, even the gray ones. See The antagonist and Background characters.

Gray characters

The Characters in Your Story

Also known as morally gray

• Ch 8No character can be perfect, because perfection is boring. Courage, brokenness and wickedness make characters relatable, and we now root for and question them at once.
• Ch 13Stories have moved from the 80s and 90s good-versus-bad toward the gray. Religion thrives on it too. The Greeks excelled at it: Zeus was unfaithful and vengeful yet the ultimate creator.
• Ch 13J.D.’s twist on cause and effect: “For every action, there is a motivation.”

Master your craft

Master Your Craft

Also known as honing your craft

• Ch 9Whatever you achieve, “we will keep mastering our crafts until the day we die.” Even stadium stars must keep improving.
• Ch 9J.D. sees growth (from his first business card onward) in his first novel and early design work, yet still finds weak spots in recent books and replays his speeches to improve.
• Ch 9“Constantly honing your craft means staying relevant,” which takes the adaptability of the chameleon. Algorithms and media buying changed the rules; what worked ten years ago won’t now. Keep watching How people behave.
• Ch 9It also means minding what you consume: a financial advisor reads the industry, a baker learns new recipes.

How people behave

Master Your Craft

Also known as behavior

• Ch 9The common denominator across industries: how are people behaving these days? Do they swipe graphics, watch short videos, or read print? That’s where engagement happens.
• Ch 9As designer, author and strategist, J.D. tracks trends, behavior and the evolution of storytelling.

The comparison loop

The Gift of Silence

Also known as you see, you post, you scroll, you compare

• Ch 10You open your phone mid side hustle and see someone telling you to have a million dollars by twenty-five, then someone saying the economy is collapsing. Suddenly you feel like a sloth.
• Ch 10We forget every post is a curated narrative and react: “You see. You post. You scroll. You compare.” J.D. admits he’s felt like an imposter this way too.
• Ch 10“Our desire for validation becomes the enemy of creation.”

The gift of silence

The Gift of Silence

Also known as power of silence, absence

• Ch 10“We get to control our absences, and there’s power in not being seen.” It’s an answer to hustle culture and the comparison loop. Absence stirs conversation: I wonder what they’ve been up to?
• Ch 10What you see too often becomes cheap. J.D. told a friend, “I want people to get excited when I share something, not used to the sharing.”
• Ch 10Silence builds anticipation and lets people create their own narratives, as Adele, Rihanna and George R.R. Martin show.
• Ch 10J.D. learned it writing his first book in secret. It’s not an excuse to skip work, but a pushback on play-by-plays instead of finished results. Trends come and go: “Adapt but do not settle.”

When you are not in the room

When You Are Not in the Room

Also known as not in the room

• Ch 11People’s perceptions of you take place even when you’re absent. J.D. still warns friends off a SoHo restaurant. Not family gossip, but clients, network and audience talking.
• Ch 11Embracing that people will always talk gives you control over the narrative, which J.D. calls nurturing inspiration, not manipulation.
• Ch 11Plan for it with Criticism as a growth strategy. Trying to control others’ narratives leads to madness. Instead ask: what do you want them to say when you aren’t in the room?
• Ch 5It echoes his definition of Branding.

Criticism as a growth strategy

When You Are Not in the Room

Also known as controversy

• Ch 11“Marketing campaigns are not built on good press alone.” If you’ll stir the pot, plan paths for constructive and destructive criticism.
• Ch 11Some politicians’ teams reportedly build campaigns against themselves, betting on topics that create buzz. “Controversy runs faster than any other message.”
• Ch 11It’s not a call to be obscene but an invitation to the whiteboard: if your brand empowers a community, anticipate both supporters and opposition and ask how you benefit.
• Ch 16The same logic powers Judgement as research.

The power of no

No

Also known as no, saying no

• Ch 12The word “no” is one of the shortest, most feared and most misused, yet “your best friend.” Using it doesn’t make you a villain. J.D. learned this as The church musician.
• Ch 12“In a world where the lost say yes, be one of the bold who say no.” Goals require constant nos.
• Ch 12“It’s your nos that make others respect you.” Declining what doesn’t suit you also reveals who truly respects you.
• Ch 12After moving to the New York City area in 2021, J.D. saw that saying yes to everything would drown him in people-pleasing. He also turned down The chairman offer.
• Ch 12“The narrative people write about you in their minds isn’t your problem.”

Perfection is the enemy of connection

The Emotional Hook

• Ch 13J.D.’s seed for making peace with tough seasons: “Perfection is the enemy of connection.”
• Ch 13If the hero’s journey were all ups, we’d have a flat plot. It’s the contrast between roots and achievements that earns the crown.

Character over talent

Character Over Talent

• Ch 14New talent is a shiny toy that becomes ordinary. Talent may put you ahead, but you won’t play long without living up to “the hype of how great of a human you are.”
• Ch 14Even with a healthy ego, once audiences get used to your product, they remember your character. Singers whose albums flop after a PR crisis are still good singers.
• Ch 14“Talent without commitment leads to frustration.” J.D. has ended partnerships with gifted designers who lacked etiquette.
• Ch 14“Your talent is the product, but your work etiquette is the packaging.” See The shampoo bottle test.

Healthy ego

Character Over Talent

Also known as ego

• Ch 14A healthy dose of ego does wonders for the soul; ego is our sense of self. But ego and talent stroke each other, and an unhealthy amount can pollute an artist’s story.
• Ch 14“No one is patient enough to stay in the business of ego for too long.”

The chameleon

Chameleons

Also known as adaptability, chameleons

• Ch 15J.D. loves symbology, an image’s power to carry a big message. Among lions, dragons and majestic birds, the chameleon is his muse for adaptability: it takes on its surroundings without complaint and moves with precision.
• Ch 15Being cold-blooded, they’re regulated by their surroundings, as entrepreneurs must acclimate to trends. Other animals mirror the creative’s outward nature; the chameleon mirrors the heart.
• Ch 15J.D. sulked about platform changes until he realized complaining time could be creating time. Seeing The Whispers of the Fallen drowned out in the Bookstagram era also pushed him to adapt. “Adaptability is linked to purpose.”
• Ch 15“Adaptability and honesty walk hand in hand.” We edit our lives for the internet, pretending life is a clear lake when it’s a torrential river.

Judgement as research

Judgement as Research

Also known as judgement

• Ch 16Not a license for online hate: people may share what they want, but we can’t say whatever we want. Still, discord and disagreement also create community.
• Ch 16What if we turn scrolling and judgement into something productive? A doll-like, over-edited celebrity photo makes you read the comments and scroll their feed; either way, they’ve got people talking.
• Ch 16Criticism of The spa brochure and The lip challenge are examples. “It is in judgement that a real audience is born.” Ask what makes millions follow someone and what has drawn praise and criticism.
• Ch 16J.D. doesn’t claim all press is good press; every message has a messenger and a recipient, and every interpretation can be useful.

The big illusion

The Big Illusion

Also known as not every space is for you

• Ch 18To build a strong brand, “you must let go of the illusion that every space is for you.”
• Ch 18For years J.D. clipped his wings to belong in modern Christianity. He learned skills like public speaking, but as a gay man he would never belong to that club.
• Ch 18Undocumented and starting out, he cast himself as the good Christian boy, “God’s messenger” to the secular, while knowing he was betraying himself.
• Ch 18“I must be respected in every space, but I will never belong in all of them.” See Respect versus acceptance.
• Ch 18Not a demand to leave immediately, but a spark that may become a flame when you’re ready.

Respect versus acceptance

The Big Illusion

Also known as respect, acceptance

• Ch 18You must be respected everywhere. Acceptance is different: conservative parents may never accept your sexuality, a preacher may never accept gay marriage.
• Ch 18Whether people accept you is on them, but they must respect you, or you must remove yourself. “Respect is honoring someone’s courage to be authentic.”

Stay curious

Stay Curious

Also known as curiosity

• Ch 19J.D.’s parting advice. It may sound cliché, but clichés are often truths worth carrying; it’s overused because it helps.
• Ch 19Curiosity opens doors and keeps you intentional. Everything we see was once a curious thought, and without it inspiration fades and apathy creeps in.
• Ch 19As a kid he unscrewed his Tamagotchi to see how it worked and peppered his Bible school teacher with questions.
• Ch 19“To stay curious as a creative entrepreneur is to revisit the spirit we had when we were first discovering the world.” Finish what you’re working on.